My latest newsletter trades in how the things that happen to us change who we are.
“As I recall it, when I asked the porn star about her background, she explained that when she was very young—a toddler, I think—her father killed her mother and then killed himself.”
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An excerpt from my latest newsletter: “The Hand Print”:
That scene would star Jenna and a well-known male porn star named T. T. Boy, a short, pugnacious performer with a lantern jaw and a permanent scowl who reminded me of a less-bright Patrick Bateman. (“Within the business, he is known as an untiring performer,” T. T. Boy’s Wikipedia page touts. “In a 2015 interview, he stated that over the course of his career, he has slept with over 10,000 women.”) I knew who T. T. Boy was before I arrived because I had read about him in the pages of The New Yorker. In 1995, Susan Faludi had written about the suicide of a male porn star named Cal Jammer, and during her research in the San Fernando Valley, her path had crossed with that of T. T. Boy’s. In her story, she’d quoted a former male porn star who’d observed of T. T. Boy: “Basically, the guy is a life-support system for a penis.” I found this assessment to be about right. He was smaller than me, brooding, coiled as if looking for an excuse to do something to someone—it didn’t really matter what or who, whether it was fighting or fucking. Maybe it was all the same to him.
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My latest newsletter is live. It features Gang Bang Island, a superfreak, and what the storm took from me.
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I’m an author and consultant | About | Twitter | Instagram | Newsletter | Blog
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My latest newsletter features zombies, Wes Anderson, and Ali.
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I’m an author and consultant | About | Twitter | Instagram | Newsletter | Blog
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My latest newsletter is live, featuring cherry blossoms, Jesus Christ, and imagining your life. Also: Subscribe.
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My latest newsletter is live, featuring dating, aspiring authors, and the writing of books. Also: Subscribe.
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My latest newsletter is live, featuring the difference between female writers and male writers. Also: Subscribe.
I’m a writer and consultant | About Me | Twitter | Instagram | My Blog
A scene from “Wormwood”
In my latest newsletter, “We’re All Lab Rats Now,” I share some of the research I’ve been doing for the book I’m writing. As I write in my newsletter, my book is called Data Baby: How a Psychological Experiment Turned Me into a Human Lab Rat; it’ll be published by Hachette Books; and it’s about psychology, privacy, and whether or not you can predict who a child will grow up to be. Read my latest newsletter here. Subscribe here.
An excerpt:
“I mean, you didn’t think me living in Burbank was just some sort of coincidence, did you? (See: Truman Burbank from ‘The Truman Show.’)”
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In this week’s newsletter, I wrote about mannequins. Subscribe to my newsletter.
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Porn Set, 2014 | Photo credit: Susannah Breslin
The latest edition of my Valleywood newsletter is out. Read it here. Subscribe here.
An excerpt:
“What I’m reading: ‘A Fuller Picture of Artemisia Gentileschi.’ Gentileschi created her famous painting of Susannah and the Elders in 1610, when she was 17. ‘Perhaps this Susanna does not want the men to identify her or see her anguish; it’s equally likely that she does not want to lay eyes on her persecutors.’”
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My latest newsletter is out. Subscribe here. In this week’s edition, I ponder my life choices, consider the dominatrix, and contemplate the role of the sex doll during a global pandemic.
An excerpt:
“ […] but that all sounded so boring, and then I thought it would be more interesting to write about a guy who makes sex dolls and says they’re ‘a perfect COVID-19 companion’ because they ‘can be enjoyed without another individual in the room — and yet it feels as if there is.’ […]”
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In this week's newsletter, I try to remember how I ended up on Playboy TV, share how to recognize Your 22 Minutes, and reveal the famous men you encounter on dating apps when you live in LA. Read it here. Subscribe here.
An excerpt:
Last week I mentioned that one of Hollywood’s most famous (and shortest) TV executive producers hit me up on Tinder. When you live in L.A., dating apps are sprinkled with folks you’ve seen on the screen. Among those I’ve spotted in Swipeland: Mike Judge, The Allstate Guy, Stuttering John, Todd Bridges, and a porn director who shall remain nameless. I’ve since quit Tinder—again.
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In April, I launched my first newsletter. (Read it here. Subscribe here.) Since it’s been a few months, and I've been enjoying the process, I thought I’d share what I’ve learned about newslettering thus far.
It’s fun
Like blogging in the early days, when the medium hadn’t been co-opted by corporations, blogging felt like a radical act. Newsletters feel that way now. In this space, there aren’t a ton of supposed-to’s, and the energy is a bit more wild, wild west. That’s inspiring and refreshing.
It’s easy
I use Substack as a platform for my newsletter, and it really couldn’t be easier. If you’re thinking about doing a newsletter, I recommend Substack. It’s easy to post, it’s easy to see your stats, and it’s easy to deliver to your audience. Also, it’s not in a silo. Depending on how your settings are set, your newsletter can also appear online for non-subscribers to read, in addition to arriving in your subscribers’ email in-boxes.
It’s pivotable
If you decide you want to change how you’re newslettering, you can do so relatively easily. At first, my Substack domain had my name in it, which wasn’t a very good idea, because my name is too hard to spell. Then I changed it to Valleywood, which is a compound word that combines the San Fernando Valley, where I live, and Hollywood, which is the predominant LA culture. Maybe I should’ve named it The Reverse Cowgirl, or maybe that would have sent it into people’s spam folders. Who knows. Also, initially, I was writing them more like essays. Then I started writing them like listicles. I like the latter format better.
It’s slow to grow
At least for me, my newsletter audience has been pretty slow to grow. I’m approaching 200 non-paying subscribers. My click-through rate, which is how many people open the newsletter to read it, is pretty high: around 64%. Judging by the feedback I’ve gotten, on social media and in emails, people are enjoying it. Here’s one review: “One of the most intelligent and entertaining newsletter you will ever read!”
It’s cheap
There’s no overhead to do my newsletter, except for the time that I put into it. I don’t think I have the reach yet to go paid. But one day, I may. Or perhaps it will always be free. We’ll just have to wait and see.
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My latest newsletter is out. This week’s edition features job interviews, adult diapers, and a literary pilgrimage.
An excerpt:
Before the world changed, I went into an adult store in West Hollywood, and I started talking to the guy behind the counter. We had a conversation about a high-tech chastity belt device for men that I was thinking about writing about. At a certain point during the conversation, he pulled up his shirt and pointed out that he was wearing an adult diaper.
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Check out my latest newsletter. Subscribe here. It touches on the rise of the SuperCunt, the future of Furiosa, and my latest adventures in online dating.
An excerpt:
“This week, my role model is Christine on ‘Selling Sunset.’ She’s the SuperC*nt Los Angeles real estate agent that the feminist movement wrought. She looks like Barbie, but she operates like a Blackwater mercenary.”
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My latest newsletter is live. Read it here. Subscribe here. In this week’s edition, I traipse through a legendary cemetery, reveal the billions of unique visitors adult tube sites get, and explore my mannequin fetish.
An excerpt:
“It feels like going to Las Vegas, but not leaving the house, and instead of trying to win money, you’re trying to win a man. So you keep pulling the lever. And the little icons keep swirling by. So far you haven’t hit it big. What’s one more pull?”
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My latest Valleywood newsletter is hot off the presses, featuring “10 Things.” Those things include a handbag made out of a blowup doll, a cock that had a spiritual experience, and the adult industry’s hot mess approach to the coronavirus pandemic. Oh, and there’s a writing tip, too, from someone who’s been doing it long enough to know (me). Subscribe!
An excerpt:
4. This morning, I saw the famous wild parrots of Burbank. In total, I spotted maybe a dozen in two different areas. They are brilliant green and noisy as hell. They made me feel like anything was possible if I could figure out how to fly.
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