All The News That's Unfit To Print: 12.21.13

The year in butts. [The Cut]

8" chocolate penis filled with "perverse fluid." [United Indecent Pleasures]

One day, your iPhone will tell you if your relationship sucks. [Co.Exist]

Don't be a dirtbag. [Twitter]

Abandoned brothels are the new haunted houses. [Slate]

Danica Patrick will kick your ass. [Daily Mail]

You're doing naked social media wrong. [Romenesko]

"Deep Throat" should be in the National Film Registry. [AVN]

Al Goldstein was the anti-Hef. [Hazlitt]

"So I walked on the set, and the first thing I saw was a 50-foot yellow ass." [Vulture]

I guess she likes scallions. [Sander Dekker]

Well, this is just disturbing. [The Dish]

A clip from "Nymphomaniac." [YouTube]

Aspiring porn star, 19, gets busted. [Journal Star]

Hey, girl. [иван перец via Indie Nudes]

The human body has been fragmented. [Amazon]

NPR listeners are a bunch of perverts. [Galley Cat]

Pinsex is the Pinterest for porn. [The Kernel]

"'It's f---ing Bigfoot,' hissed Shelly. 'He's real, for f---'s sake.' Horror filled her eyes. 'With a huge c---.'" [BI]

ICYMI: What porn stars do when the porn industry shuts down. [Forbes]